Weddings

Weddings at St. John’s Episcopal Church

Congratulations on being engaged! This is an exciting time in your life and we are delighted that you are seeking a church in which to celebrate your commitment to each other in the name of the Christ.

In Holy Matrimony, a woman and a man enter into a life-long union of heart, body and mind that is intended by God “for their mutual joy; for the help and comfort given one another in prosperity and adversity; and, when it is God’s will, for the procreation of children and their nurture in the knowledge and love of the Lord.” The Church therefore expects that everyone who desires to be married look upon their union as being life-long. Secondly, the Church is not to be viewed as a “set” against which weddings are staged. The Church is the Body of Christ in which a couple’s married life is expected to be a living and loving part. Therefore, either the bride-to-be and/or the groom-to-be should be worshipping at a church before any part of the pre-marital counseling and/or planning of a wedding service begins.

The following information has been put together to help answer some questions that you may have about the marriage policies of St. John’s. After you have read the information and if you wish to talk further, please contact our Parish Administrator at the church office (860-767-8095) and she will assist you further. It is important that the church office be consulted with before you finalize a date for your wedding. Too often couples will book a reception hall, florist, and wedding cake baker only to find that the church space is unavailable. The church office, therefore, should be the first call made as opposed to the last. A minimum of 60 days notice is required by Church Law and, if there is a previous divorce in the relationship, the process will take at least four months to complete.

Only one wedding will be scheduled for any given weekend at St. John's and wedding services will not be scheduled during Holy Week, on Christmas Eve, on Christmas Day, or on the fourth weekend of October (which is when our annual Diocesan Convention takes place).

Weddings for Members of St. John’s and their Children

Pre-marital counseling and wedding services for members of St. John’s and/or their children are conducted by the Rector. If the Rector is not going to be available to conduct the wedding service, he will check with the part-time Associate Rector to inquire as to her availability. If she is unable to conduct a service on that date, we can explore the availability of some Episcopal clergy who reside in the area. If an extra clergy person is available, the recommended minimum stipend for that supply priest is $250.00. All checks are due on the day of the wedding rehearsal.

Costs:

Organist stipend: $310.00, check made payable to "St. John’s Episcopal Church"

(if extra music or extra musicians are required, the stipend will

be higher)

Sexton stipend: $50.00, check made payable to "Loren Orvis"

Altar Guild supply stipend: $25.00, check made payable to "St. John’s Episcopal Church"

Pre-Marital Counseling: The Episcopal Church forbids its ministers from solemnizing any marriage until it is ascertained that the couple may legally be married; that the couple understand “that Holy Matrimony is a physical and spiritual union, entered into within the community of faith, by mutual consent of heart, mind, and will, and with intent that it be lifelong”; that both individuals freely consent to the marriage; that at least one of the two have received Holy Baptism; and that the couple to be married have been instructed as to the nature and purpose of Holy Matrimony. Too often couples approach pre-marital counseling with great trepidation and “fear of the unknown.” Please don’t! The sessions are intended to be helpful, not a hindrance. Marriage holds the promise of great joy, but there are many obstacles to having a successful lifelong relationship. Normally, you should plan on three sessions with each session lasting about an hour and a half. During these sessions, expect to discuss how you met and fell in love; family and friends; the nature of your relationship; your hopes and expectations; how you use your time together and apart; your future together, including children; finances and employment; and your wedding plans. It is preferred that these counseling sessions take place Monday-Thursday during regular office hours. Evening appointments Mon-Wed are sometimes available depending upon the church’s schedule. For couples from out of state, some appointments can be made on Sunday afternoons following the latter church service.

Weddings for Non-Members of St. John’s

Pre-marital counseling and wedding services for non-members are conducted by the Associate Rector. If she is unable to conduct a service on that date, she will confer with Rector about his availability. All checks, with the exception of the $750.00 usage fee for St. John’s) are due on the day of the wedding rehearsal.

Costs:

Fee for use of St. John’s: $750.00 (due to "St. John's Episcopal Church" on the first

pre-marital appointment date ~ the check will not be

deposited until after the wedding)

Clergy stipend: $500.00, ($250 for pre-marital counseling / $250 for

wedding service, check(s) made payable to clergy)

Organist stipend: $310.00, check made payable to "St. John’s Episcopal

Church" (if extra music or extra musicians are required, the

stipend will be higher)

Sexton stipend: $50.00, check made payable to "Loren Orvis"

Altar Guild supply stipend: $25.00, check made payable to "St. John’s Episcopal Church"

Commonly Asked Questions

1. Can the Episcopal priest from my childhood assist at the wedding in St. John’s?

Yes, with the Rector’s permission. If your priest is from another diocese, he or she must have the permission of the Bishop of the Episcopal Diocese of Connecticut.

2. I’m not Episcopalian. Can a minister from my denomination take part in the service?

Yes, with the Rector’s permission. Certain parts of the service must be done by Episcopal clergy but other parts may be shared.

3. Can we write our own service or write our own vows?

No. All weddings will be according to the rite in the Book of Common Prayer. The service can be found here.

4. Can we rent the church and have our own denominational or civil service?

No. All services held at St. John’s will be according to the Episcopal rites.

5. I’ve been divorced. Can I re-marry in the Episcopal Church?

Yes, although there are a few more requirements. Permission of the Bishop of the Diocese of Connecticut is required before the wedding may take place. After the pre-marital counseling sessions conclude, sixty days is required between the time permission is sought from the Bishop’s office and the time when judgment is rendered by his office. If this is a third marriage for either party, a written analysis from a professional counselor must be provided to the Bishop along with the forms required by his office from the Rector.

6. How many people does the church seat?

The church seats 203 comfortably and 231 snuggly in the nave pews; the aisle is 36 feet long.

7. Oh my. We’re planning on having a lot more people than that. Can we have our service elsewhere? (Or) Can we have an Episcopal wedding at a place other than the church?

Certainly, but talk with the Rector first. No skydiving or underwater ceremonies, please!

8. What about a marriage license?

A valid marriage license may be obtained either in the town in which the ceremony is being conducted or in the town/city in which you live in CT. Residents outside the state of CT should obtain their license in Essex. The license is valid for 65 days and the cost is $30. The license may be delivered to the church at any time before the wedding ceremony takes place. Please note: Without a valid marriage license in hand, an Episcopal priest cannot officiate at your wedding.

9. How soon can we send out wedding invitations?

As soon as the Rector or the Associate has given consent for the marriage to take place. At any point during the pre-marital instruction, the Rector or his Associate may in good conscience conclude that they cannot be a part of this wedding, so please wait until the green light is given. We are aware of the time pressures that you are under and will not be unreasonable about giving you plenty of time. If either of you are previously divorced, the Bishop’s consent must be obtained before invitations are sent out.

10. How long does the wedding ceremony last?

That depends on several factors. A very simple wedding will last about 20 minutes. A wedding with Holy Communion, lots of music, etc. may be an hour or so long.

11. Is Holy Communion always a part of the service?

No. Although highly desirable, the clergy will help you in your decision-making. In the Episcopal Church, all baptized persons are welcome to receive Communion.

12. Can we have printed service bulletins?

Yes. But you should plan well-ahead on this. Attractive wedding bulletins can be ordered through the church office after you consult with the parish administrator. You will, however, be responsible for the cost, which is small. Order early!

13. Should I hire a wedding consultant?

That’s up to you. But please keep in mind that that person will have very little to do with the wedding service, which will be planned by you and the clergy.

14. Is babysitting available?
Babysitting for children five and younger is not an automatic service that can be offered families during weddings. However, if babysitting services are requested, and if babysitters from the parish can be obtained, the cost will be $15 an hour or portion thereof for each babysitter. A minimum of two babysitters is required and St. John’s reserves the right to hire additional based upon the expected number of children in attendance.

15. Is there anything else I should know?

Yes. The chief rule of all weddings is that nothing is to happen that will bring embarrassment to the bride or to her parents, or to the groom or to his parents. It is a special moment for you ~ therefore, all service participants should remember where they are and why they are there. Because of this, the clergy will remind you during pre-marital sessions and will stress to the wedding party at the beginning of the wedding rehearsal that if any member of the wedding party is intoxicated or “hung over” at the time of the wedding, he or she will not be allowed to participate, regardless of who they are. This is non-negotiable.

Photographers / Videographers

Weddings are well worth preserving on film. However, it is very important that the photographer is not a disruptive and distracting presence during the worship service. Most professional photographers are sensitive to this, but to avoid misunderstandings and hard feelings, these guidelines should be followed and shared with your photographer prior to your wedding.

Professional photographers and videographers are welcome to call the parish administrator to set up a time to “scout out” St. John’s and determine where the best places are to set up your equipment. They will note that the center aisle of St. John’s is not a long one. It is acceptable for them to take photos (with or without flash) when the bride is entering the church as long as they do so halfway down the aisle. Standing in front of the bridal party and taking pictures as the bride walks in is neither acceptable or permitted. Photographers may also take pictures as the bride and groom are exiting the church from that same spot. In-between the procession in and the procession out, photographers may take non-flash photos from the very back of the church or from the sacristy door. Forgive the bluntness, but as some recent professional photographers have chosen to test the boundaries of our policy, we wish to make ourselves clear: Any photographer or videographer who enters the sanctuary or chancel to take a picture will be publicly reminded of the policy and the service will proceed once they have returned to the back of the church.

Photos of the wedding party and families may be taken in the church prior to the wedding, if desired. If photos are to be taken after the service, the wedding party should re-gather in the church right away. Please take any pictures you desire with the clergy during the first part of the shoot so they may attend to other matters.

Out of respect for God and the sanctity of the church space, and in order for everyone to fully participate in the service, the taking of photos will not be permitted by the congregation after the bride has finished walking up the aisle. When the couple walk out as husband and wife, the congregation may take all the photos they wish.

Decorating the Church

A couple should give careful thought to the use of candles, flowers and greenery. In a church the size of St. John’s, too many flowers and candles detract from the setting and make it appear cluttered.

Two large candles on the altar or two 7-branch candelabras behind it may be used. Candelabras are usually reserved for late afternoon weddings and used in cases where the flower arrangements are not overly wide. Large, rented candelabras are discouraged—they just don’t “fit.”

As with candles, more flowers are not necessarily better. One, two, or three flower arrangements are appropriate. Large, free-standing vases are out of place. The Altar Guild of St. John’s will be an excellent resource for you when making decisions about flowers. They know the interior of the church well and have a good sense of proper proportions. Altar Guild members are trained in flower arranging and can create beautiful arrangements from flowers chosen by you. Or you may choose to have your flowers arranged and delivered by a florist. Either way, the Altar Guild members will have the final say in decorating the altar although they will work with you or whomever you choose to provide the flowers. If your wedding is held on a Saturday afternoon or evening, it is expected that the flowers from your wedding will remain on the altar for Sunday services in thanksgiving to God for the couples’ marriage. If you wish to take them with you, you will need to provide your own vases and/or paper tissue to take them and notify the Altar Guild of your intention at least two weeks prior to the wedding date. Otherwise, it will be understood that they will remain in the sanctuary for Sunday services. Flowers may not be taken from the church on Saturday evening and returned on Sunday morning.

The usage of bouquets and boutonnières are at the discretion of the bride and groom. They may be delivered to the church ahead of time and refrigerated, if prior arrangements are made with the Altar Guild.

You or your florist should arrange for a mutually convenient time to deliver the flowers to the church prior to the wedding. Please call the parish administrator at 767-8095.

Music

Music during the wedding should be appropriate to the nature of the event. Thus, music used during your wedding should be Christian, either implicitly or explicitly.

The parish organist, Darlene James, plays for all weddings. Music for the ceremony must be decided upon in consultation with her, with the clergy giving the final approval, should any questions arise. Soloists and other instrumentalists must rehearse with the organist at a mutually agreed time before the day of the service and must provide their own music with a copy for the organist. The words of anthems (this includes solos) “are to be from the Holy Scripture, The Book of Common Prayer, or from texts congruent with them.” (BCP) (Sorry—school songs, etc. will not be approved.) Music that does not fit the nature of the ceremony is far better used at the wedding reception.

The Wedding Rehearsal

The wedding rehearsal is usually held the evening prior to the wedding day. You should allow one hour for the rehearsal to take place. If you are planning a rehearsal dinner, it is advisable to schedule the rehearsal at least an hour and fifteen minutes in advance. Please stress to all wedding participants the absolute necessity of being on time. If participants know that they are going to be late, ask them to tell you so that we are not waiting for them. An Altar Guild member will be present at the rehearsal and the wedding to assist in the smooth flow of the service and to ease anxieties that you may have. Turn to that person or to the clergy if you have any questions.

Lessons from Scripture

At your wedding, you may choose from several combinations of lessons to be read. You may choose to have an Old Testament (OT) lesson, a Psalm, a New Testament (NT) lesson, and a lesson from the Gospel; you may choose to have one lesson from either the OT or the NT, a Psalm, and a lesson from the Gospel; or you may choose to have a lesson from either the OT or the NT and a lesson from the Gospel (no psalm). It is church policy that a reading from the Gospel will always be read at weddings. You may also choose to have a friend or relative read any of the lessons or lead the congregation in the reading of the psalm. However, only a deacon or a priest may read the lesson from the Gospel. The following are lessons which you may choose from.

The following are lessons which you may choose from.